I Died And Got Reincarnated Into a Tree?
by MetalMamemon
Summary: I die and I expect hellfire and brimstones not being reincarnated into a tree and be a dog fire hydrant! Self Insert.
1. Chapter 1

Afterlife was certainly not look like what I expected, I truly expected fire and brimstone for what I done, but I guess this endless dark void is punishing enough for me, someone who hates social contact being ironically starved for it, heh.

I don't know how long I have been here, unmoving in this dark and empty void, two days? Two month? Hell I may even be here for century and I won't know.

I guess I have to think about the positive think, this dark void gave me enough time for self-introspection.

In life I was a selfish brat, I only think of pleasing myself and being lazy and even after my parent dies I still has no will to make thing better, so I took the easy way out.

Would I change myself if I get a second chance? I don't think so, I may try for a while before getting bored and goes back to my lazy self.

I now have new appreciation for this dark endless void, screw social contact I have darkness and empty void as friend, isn't that right Dark? Void?

...

After a while waiting there was a tiny glimmer of light. I don't know how long maybe a year or two? Like I say, living with Dark and Void really screw with my perception of time.

I try to reach the light, but I don't think I have a body to move at all so I quickly gave up.

The light come closer and closer, maybe my punishment will end soon?

Yes! I reach the light! Goodbye, Dark! Void! You will be missed!

The light was... Underwhelming to say the least.

I stand? Near a giant house made of wood surrounded by giant forest, you know I kinda expecting to come out of some woman womb with the doctor cliche saying 'Ma'am your baby is healthy!', not whatever this is.

The rain come, and I almost drowned.

Would be funny if I die just right after being reincarnated.

A few days passed, I sometimes saw a giant black creature with bonely white mask, I fear for my live when it looked at me.

Still, at least those things did not ate me.

"Bark!"

I heard the sound of dog barking, I looked at the source of the voice.

It was a cute giant little pup, and holy shit that thing is big.

It stared at me.

I stared back.

It stared at me.

I stared back.

It turned around.

Yes, I won the staring contest! Take that you stupid dog!

It lifts one of its back feet.

...

No you don't, don't you fucking dare.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

I internally sigh in relief, the fucking dog is gone.

But my vision is still yellow, eww.

A few night has passed and yet I was still stuck here alone, well not really alone because those black beast sometimes come and go, it looked like the black beast more than one species I saw a two legged one that I never before and the wolf-like one that I saw the first time I get out.

They are still scary though.

It was as if they did not know if they should kill me or not.

Oh, and I also got taller a bit, I could see glimpse of my 'base' now, it looked green, and I could also see the massive tree behind me, as if I have more eyes now.

What am I?

"Bark!"

No...

Not that fucking again, I lament my fate as I see the dog approaching.

It looked at me with that adorably innocent eye that hides the evil intention within.

"Bark!"

What?

"Bark!"

What the fuck are you barking for you stupid dog?

The dog shake his head, it turned around and shoved its ass at me.

No way, you got to be fucking kidding me, what the fuck did I do to you to deserve this!?

"Zwei!" A voice that seemed to be of a little girl called out to the stupid dog.

"Bark!" The dog runs off.

I am safe? I am really safe? Oh god thanks you.

"Look Zwei, my new scythe Crescent Rose!" The girl and the dog come seemed to be coming near me.

"With this, I would be as awesome as uncle Qrow!" The girl shouted excitedly as she enter my field of vision.

Oh shit.

I'm not safe yet.

The girl look no older than five year old, playing with a _Gardening scythe_. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

"Hwacha! See, awesome right? Wacchhaaa!" The girl swinging wildly at the grass, slowly coming toward my direction.

No, get away! I don't want to die a virgin again!

The girl of course not heeding my silent pleas comes closer to me slowly.

"Take this you evil Grimm!" She swung her scythe me, oh good bye world, goodbye fucking stupid dog who fucking piss on me.

The blade touches me as my shake left and right until I naturally stopped.

...

I am alive?

I am alive!?

Thanks god I am alive.

I am alive in this unmoving body and can't interact with anything.

...

Should I regret not dying?

It looks like the girl did not do any damage to my 'body' other that making my vision bend slightly.

"Ruby..." I heard another what seemed to be another girl voice.

"Yes sis..." The girl that wildly swung her scythe at me answer meekly.

Both of them enter my field of vision, one is a black haired girl and the other is a blond haired girl, the blond one take the gardening scythe from the black haired one.

Thanks god.

"Ruby, you know how dangerous it is to go outside by yourselves!" The blond haired girl reprimanded the black haired one.

If the beast I saw every night is anything to go by, she is right.

Not that I mind her going out alone in the wood, I hate children after all.

After the seemingly older girl lectured the younger one, they seemed to go back inside the house, or at least I think they did because of the clicking door sound, the house now almost out of my field of vision after that stupid kid knock me with her dull scythe.

Time passes as the night come.

"Oh my sweet summer flowers, let's do it under these tree so that Ruby and Yang won't be disturbed by our 'activity." A voice that seemed to be coming from a man comes closer and closer to me.

Yep, it was a man with blond hair accompanied by woman that looked like the grown up version of the black haired girl early.

They go behind me, I could see a glimpse of them on the tree behind me.

"Eager are we? Oh! It looks like the big dragon has awoken."

Nope.

No fucking way I would watch this, turn around please.

Please!?

I try to turn my 'head' to no avail.

"You are going on a mission tomorrow after all." The man voice said with sultry tone.

...

They fucking did it. You two are fucking deviant!

What the fuck are you two doing in the middle of the wood!? Get a fucking room!

I saw something flying at me.

...

Something white.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

After the traumatic night passed, and after gaining phobia of anything colored _white_ I found out that I have grown really tall, taller than those from yesterday anyway, oh and my field of vision also expanded to boot.

And no, I don't know what made me grow so fast.

I really don't.

Stop asking.

...

It looks like I am really going insane if I started to have a conversation with thin air.

...

Alright, now your name would be Airy, and no. I did not named you to replace the Dark and Void, my old time companion. *Sob*

Hey Airy, can you see my new body now? It was awesome right?

Yeah, I never expected to be reincarnated to a tree, on the bright side, I have spike! Maybe that shitty dog would think twice before shitting on me, or I jam my long and thick spear deep inside his ass, I would love to hear the whimper of that shitty as I repeatedly thrust my weapon inside it.

Right Airy?

...

What, I am not into dog!

...

What do you mean I am a Tsundere!?

...

Alright, I am going to ignore if you don't apologize right now!

...

See, we could see eye to eye... No! I am not into that! Shut up.

The night comes by and Airy the air accompanies me through this uneventful time.

Though I do wonder why there seemed to be more of the black beast than before somehow.

What do you think happened Airy?

...

Yeah, must be a migration or something.

The morning comes by as I heard the sound of the door opening and the herd of the black beast suddenly running outside of my field of vision.

I hope the denizens of the house is alright as I don't want to be left alone in this forest anymore, except for the dog, because fuck the dog.

...

No offense Airy, you are a great company and all but I rather see some human interaction even if I am not part of it.

BOOM!

I heard an explosion.

BOOM!

Another explosion.

BOOM!

And another one.

The explosion continues for a while before it died down.

I just hope I did not get caught in the war between PETA and these guys, because I doubt those black beast survived whatever caused those explosion.

Once again, things quieted down, and once again I realize that I am alone in this forest.

...

Oh sorry, I did not mean to forget you Airy.

"Bark!"

Oh god, the shitty dog came here again, I dare you to shit on me this time, I have spike that I could jam on your ass you stupid dog! Now, what do you want?

"Bark!" It barked as if answering my question.

That can't be right?

"Bark!"

...

Did it really understand?

"Bark!"

Hmm, say, if you understand shake your head.

*Shake*

Holy shit, you really understand me!? Oh god thanks you! Is't that great Airy?

...

"Bark?"

Oh rights, let me introduce my friend here, Airy the air!

...

"Bark!"

What do you mean you question my sanity? You are the dog who is barking at a tree right now.

"Bark!"

Touche.

By the way, what is your name?

"Bark."

Zwei? That is a nice name.

"Bark."

You have something to do? Sure, see you later.

The dog turned around and raised its ass at me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

What the fuck are you doing!?

"Bark!"

You finishing the dare!? Wait, wait! I take back the dare! I take it back!

Stop!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


	4. Chapter 4

Zwei left with his ass held up as he barked me a goodbye, you don't know how glad I am for not having sense of smell right now Airy, I could see the smell on the air, and it was brown.

...

..Sorry, how could I be so inconsiderate? My base body may be get shit on it, but Airy literally become one with it.

I am sorry.

...

Love you too Airy, you are my only loyal companion, unlike those traitorous Dark and Void you won't leave me, right? _Right?_

"Grrrr!"

I heard growls, I know where this growling sound came from, I see them every night after all, though I wonder why they come earlier now? The sun hasn't even goes down yet.

Airy, if they do anything to me, you will help right?

...

Every tree for himself huh, well at least you accompany me to the end right?

...

Thanks.

Of course my worry seemed to be unfounded as they just walked around the place and ignoring me, hmm, it looked like there are new variant as well, a bear and a spide-

Oh, shit.

The thing climbed into one of my branch and made a nest there.

Get off!

I try to shake it off my body, of course I can't move I am a tree damn it!

Airy, a little help here?

...

Right, every tree for himself.

Morning came by and the spider still on my body, it made me really uncomfortable and not because I'm afraid of spider as they are damn useful on reducing mosquitos population in my house, just this one felt really different, and I can't even say why.

The creaking sound of door opening was heard once again, like before I heard continuos explosion before it died down.

"Bark!"

I heard a familiar barking.

Zwei! I greeted my not really the most favorite dog.

"Bark?" The dog tilt its head.

Of course I am happy to see you, now can you get this spider shaped abomination off of me?

"Bark?"

The spider is on my top left branch, I am sure you can see from there.

"Bark?"

Grimm? So that is what called? And no, I don't know how this thing suddenly latch on me, by the way, do you know why there are so many of these 'Grimm' around for the last few night?

"Bark.." Zwei lowered his head.

...

I am sorry for your lost.

Umm, can you get this thing off me now?

"Bark!"

You are going to get your owner? Thanks!

...

While we wait Airy, let's play I spy, now I spy something brown!

...

Yep, it's wall, your turn.

...

Something blue with four legs? Oh, you mean Zwei?

Zwei! I shouted in my mind as the dog running at me with his owner following from behind him.

I see white, I fucking see white this man...

This man...

Get away from me!

They come closer as Zwei start to scratch my base and barking at its owner.

Zwei, get that man away from me!

"Bark?" Zwei looked at me with confusion.

He, he spread his seed all over me!

"..Bark?" Zwei eye widen.

"Zwei?" The man looked at his dog in confusion.

Zwei start to bark at the direction where the spider Grimm is.

The man looked at the spider as it jumps at him.

A strong wind blew past me, rustling all of my leaves as the man fist connected to the spider.

BOOM!

...

Holy shit, the spider flew to my side as it hit a tree and goes past it into another tree...

"Is that all Zwei?" The man glanced at his dog as I looked at the man in awe.

Holy shit, did I reincarnate into some kind of light novel world or something!? This man, this man look like an ordinary westerner, from the way he dress to his handsome face, but his eyes.

I know that looked very well.

"Bark!" Zwei start to scratch at me again, the man raised his eyebrow.

Talk to him? Okay, I try.

Look man, I know thing is hard for you, but don't do it or you ended up like me or maybe you should do it and I got to have a company in these forest.

"Bark! Grrrr!"

Sorry, I am just kidding, so did he hear me?

"Bark."

No, huh, okay I try until he leave.

"Zwei?" The man looked even more confused.

Hello?

"Bark."

Xiao!

"Bark!"

Anyone there!? Hallo! hi! Konichiwa! selamat pagi!

"Zwei, let's go home." The owner leaned down and lifts his dog.

No, wait.

Maybe I shouldn't 'say' thing, rather than saying it, maybe I should think what I want to say to him?

Okay.

Think.

Harder!

More!

*Flash* the image of those horrible night flash before my eyes, as the strong wind blew and the fist of the blonde man connect to my body, and pain spread through my roots.

Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

Ugh... The pain... My body hurts all over. That man's punch is not something to be underestimated. The moment that man's fist connected with my body, my whole life as a tree flashed before my eyes.

Thankfully the man just left and did not continue his strike, though his eyes are deader than before.

Ouch.

Well, on the bright side, if he decided to really do it I would have company at least.

"Bark! Bark! Grrr..." Zwei barked at me, I almost forgot that he is here and he is really pissed off.

"Grrr!" Oh yeah, you can hear my thoughts.

"Bark!"

Wait, I didn't say anything to him!

"Bark!"

Now, you are barking at the wrong tree here mister, I tried to do what you told me to do and project the image of that traumatic night... Uh Ohhh.

"Bark?" Zwei tilted his head.

Well, you remember when you almost shit on me? Well, after that happen, your owner kinda spread his seed all over me...

"Bark..."

Yeah, you _are_ better off not knowing.

"Bark!"

Sure, just make sure that if he goes through with it, he reincarnates beside me okay?

"Grrr!"

Sorry, I'm just kidding.

The dog left to attend his traumatized owner.

Guess it's only the two of us again huh, Airy?

...

Point. Two of us and a whole forest of the non-sapient tree.

We chat until the night comes by.

Holy shit, there are even more black beasts here than before! Oh I think Zwei called them or Grimm or something. And that they are attracted to negative emotions?

...

You're right Airy, either I must think positive, or not think at all.

Concentrate, act like an immobile unmoving (redundant, consider replacing with thoughtless or unthinking) tree.

...

I am a tree.

...

Become one with the forest.

...

Yeah, it's harder than it looks, being a tree I mean.

I gave up on trying to become a tree and looked around my surroundings, I hope none of those spider monsters get on me again.

Fortunately, it looks like none of them are got on top of me-

...

Airy, is that what I think it is? I looked at one of my branches as I dreaded Airy's answer. If I was still a human then I am sure my skin would have gone white already.

...

No way, it can't possible.

No way this is really happening, no fucking way.

I stared at a flower on my branch.

Doesn't a flower only appear when a tree is producing offspring?

If I have a flower, then who's the father!?

I looked at the trees around me, none of them have a flower that could pollinate me, so how?

Airy, if I'm not impregnated by one of the trees, then who?

...

Yeah, we should try to remember anything that may be a clue.

...

Zwei?

...

Yeah, no he only shit and pissed on me.

...

No, that is impossible and stupid Airy.

...

Once again, that traumatic night flashed before my eyes.

No way, this is ridiculous.

...

No, Airy, I refuse to believe it, I refuse to believe I bear that man's child!

...

No, no fucking way, no way.

No.

No.

No.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-0-

 **For those who are saying that is not how it worked, note that the SI doesn't really know how tree reproduction work.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

I wonder Airy, what lies beyond the horizon?

...

Oh, shut up. I am not trying to distract myself of the fact that _I am pregnant._

...

I hate children Airy, you know that. I can't be a responsible parent for this flower.

...

What!? No! I don't want to abort my seed!

...

Yeah, I hate children alright, but this...

This seed is mine.

This seed is my own sap and leaves.

"Bark!"

Oh, hi Zwei.

"Bark?"

Well, of course I am feeling down, look at what your owner did!

"Bark?"

Yeah, I got a flower, because of your owner and now I am pregnant with child!

"..."

What? What with that expression!? Your owner made me grew a flower by pouring his seed all over me!

"Bark..."

What do you mean that is not how plant reproduction work?

First look at yourself.

Zwei look at himself.

Then look at me.

Zwei turned his head toward me.

Then looked toward Airy.

"Bark!"

She is not my imaginary friend, she is real!

"Bark!"

Look, I am not insane okay, now can we get back on topic?

First, look at me.

Then look at yourself.

Then look at me again.

Now, which one of us is a plant?

"Bark?"

Yes, me! I am a plant, I know how plan reproduction work!

"Bark.."

I am not insane, I told you I am not!

"Bark."

Yeah, I need to take a deep breath.

"Bark."

Oh yeah, you're right, I need to train my power!

"Bark!"

Right, right. If I concentrate enough I may have conversation with people! That alone made my sap boils.

"Bark."

Yes sir! I try to send the image off to you!

I concentrate; I am going to project a very horrible image into his mind! Mwahahahahaha.

"I can hear you, you know."

Oh, yeah you can hear me, wait.

Say it again.

"Bark!"

...

Weird, must be my imagination.

"Zwei!" That black haired little girl come again.

"What are you barking at Zwei?" The girl asked her dog.

Little girl, I doubt you can even understand him.

"Of course I understand him, and who are you calling me little girl?" The little girl pouted cutely.

You, _little girl._

"I'm not little! I drink milk!"

Okay shortie.

"Hmph! I am a grown up, and where are you anyway?"

You need to grow up more then.

"Hmph!"

I am right in front of you.

"Where? I only see this weird tree." She looked around for me.

Yes, I am the tree in front of you.

"Owh, okay Mr. Tree."

I expect you to be more amazed you know?

"You're just a tree in a forest full of trees." She answer innocently.

Ugghh, that really hurt girl, really hurt.

"Ruby, where are you?" Someone called out to the little girl.

"Stop calling me little girl, my name is Ruby!" She glares at me, before running toward off with her dog. "I am here Yang!"

That is adorable huh Airy?

...

...

Wait a second.

Did I just hold a conversation with that girl?

Nah, it must be because I was under the sun for too long.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

Airy...

My airheaded friend.

Do you know what did I do to deserve this? I asked her as I gazed at the sudden spurt of flower coming out of my body, and my first flower has grown into a fruit.

Why Airy? Is this a way for the higher being to punish me for even considering an abortion?

...

No? Then why!?

...

It's not a punishment but a blessing?

...

Yeah, you are right! Someone has blessed me with these children, I would take care of them, raise them and once they are old enough to become their own tree, they will spread out and have them conquer the world in my name!

You are genius Airy!

"Mr. Tree, are you evil?" The girl interrupted my monologue.

Oh, how long have you been here? Did she hear my plan?

"I hear it, are you doing it because you are evil Mr. Tree?" She asked adorably.

Of course not, I would conquer the world benevolently!

"So, you become the good king?" She tilted her head.

Yes of course.

"Hmm," She squinted her eyes as she looked at me with suspicion. "You are not lying to me aren't you?"

No of course not, as a prove that I am a benevolent tree, as a prove I would gave you all the cookie on the continent once I conquer the world.

"Really?" She has star on her eyes.

Really. (Not really)

"I have no doubt you are a good tree now!" Once again she smiles a really adorable smile.

"Ruby, who are you talking to?" The girl with blonde hair approaches us.

"Oh, I am talking to Mr. Tree here sis." She point at me.

"Mr. Tree? Oh your imaginary friend." The blonde girl says.

"He is not my Imaginary friend Yang, he is real even Zwei knew he exist!" She tried to convince her sister.

Yeah! I am not her imaginary friend! She is my imaginary friend!

"Yeah, you told her !" Ruby smiled triumphantly. "Wait, what do you mean I am your imaginary friend!?" She looked at me indignantly.

What I say, you are the product of my imagination.

"Huff! Then tell me why Yang can see me?" She glares.

Simple, your sister and I are in a shared hallucination.

"Uh, Ruby? What happen?" The girl named Yang asked her sister with worried tone.

"Mr. Tree thinks that I am just an imagination!" Ruby huffed. "Even though Zwei know that he is exist."

Zwei is just a dog barking at a tree, not an unusual sight, right Airy?

"Who Airy?" Ruby asked confused.

See? You can see her that means you are not real!

"Ruby, its going dark, say your goodbye to Mr. Tree and we play again tomorrow." Yang interrupt the imaginary argument that is about to start.

"I am not imaginary, you are! Blegh." She sticks out her tongue as she go back inside her house.

...

Once again we are alone, only the two of here Airy.

...

Yeah, how could I forget my own woods and saps? I looked at many flowers growing on my branch and a single brown fruit.

Yeah, I wish they grow into a strong and powerful tree.

I gazed at the starry night sky, it was strange none of those black beast is around though.

...

...

...

WHAT HAPPEN TO THE MOON!?

I stared at the shattered moon.

Did I get reincarnated into dystopian future or something?

I gazed in wonder as none of the crimson moon pieces fall from the sky.

My thought was interrupted as someone step on top of my branch.

...

Wow, the one that stand on top of seemed to be a woman.

She looked like a Japanese fanatic with the way she dressed, what do you call those? Oh yeah weaboo.

I observed her some more.

Welp, it looks like she wears the same mask as those black beast.

...

Her foot is a little bit too close to one of my child for my own comfort.

"Hmmm?" It looked like she noticed something as her boot moved toward fruit.

No, don't you dare touch my child.

I concentrate my thought to get her away, I send the mental image on that horrible night into her, the moaned, the scream, all of the detail that I would rather forget I concentrate and to put it into her mind.

"!"

I heard her surprised sound as she slipped from my branch.

Yeah bitch, get out of my br-

Before I could even complete my thought, the woman regained her balance and grab into my fruit.

Noooooo!

BOOM!

Loud sound of explosion spread through the forest.

MY CHILD!

-0-

 **At last the SI species is revealed! He is a Hura Crepitan, a tree with exploding fruit.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7**

My child...*Sob*

Why? Why? My child hasn't even touched the ground yet, he was only a fruit!

Yet...

Yet that woman touched him and made him explode, Airy...

What do I do now my friend?

...

Yeah, I won't make that mistake again, I would raise them properly this time and now weaboo woman would destroy my own woods and saps!

...

Yeah!

Still though, I wonder what she left that time.

I remember her standing up after taking my child*Sob* explosion and standing up with her masked destroyed and her nose bleeding.

She also spilled her colorful make up powder on me that bitch.

That red and purple powder thing made me really light headed, it was really a good thing that blonde man has enough heart to clean it off of me when he check out the explosion site, my view on him has become a little bit better.

I still hate him though.

...

No Airy, I did not harbor any hidden feeling for that man.

...

What do you mean I'm trying to get him by getting close to her child, I am a fucking tree dude! A fucking tree!

...

Okay, stop it, stop talking about it.

...

Okay, what about this? If this world has some kind of animal man species then I would consider it okay?

...

Okay.

A few weeks has passed since that explosive incident.

My children has grown a lot since then, they were also pretty colorful, some were colored brown, some were purple and even red.

I also discover that I have the ability to drop my own fruit once they sufficiently grow.

I looked at the first fruit I dropped, whose now is a small tree.

Tim, once you and your sibling grow up, we will conquer the world together! Mwahahahahahahaha!

" ?"

Oh.. Hey Ruby! You didn't hear anything did ya? Ruby stand under me with her hand folded up behind her back.

"Do you really have to describe every action I take ?" She asked me.

Yes, there aren't many way to kill boredom in this lonely forest, why don't you and Zwei visit me more Ruby?

"Haha," She laughs sheepishly. "Zwei and I are grounded because we try to make cookie without telling anybody.

"Ruby. Are you done yet?" A voice from far away called out to the black haired girl, is it just me, or is that the sound of plastic wheel creaking?

"A second Yang!" She turned around and answers her sister. "Well, I got to go now! Yang and I are going on an adventure into the forest!" She said excitedly as she walked away.

Wait!

Ruby stopped.

Take my children with you, they will protect you.

I dropped ten of my red fruit.

"Thanks ! Wait, should I call you Mrs?" The small girl tiled her head cutely.

"I'm not small!" She puffed her cheeks.

I prefer if you call me Mister.

"Okay , I got to go!" She picked my fruit and ran off, heh cheeky little brat.

...

Eh, of course I know the forest is dangerous Airy, why do you think I told her to take my beloved children with her?


	9. Chapter 9

**Interlude: Yang Realization**

It was her fault.

It was her fault that she and Ruby would die here.

It was her fault, in her stubborn quest for truth she dragged her sister to her death.

It was her fault.

That thought echoed through her mind as she stared in fear at the advancing Grimm in front of her.

She fell flat to her back and as the Grimm slowly advanced to her desperately trying to grab something from the cart behind her, where Ruby was still sleeping soundly.

Her hand touch something as she pull her arm back, she realized that it's the fruit Ruby Imaginary friend gave her, Mr. Tree, was it?

"GRAAURRRRRRRR!" One of the Grimm leaped at her.

"Get away!" She screamed in desperation as she throw the red colored fruit toward the Grimm.

BOOM!

Giant explosion of smoke and fire engulf the leaping Grimm and it's behind him.

She stared in awe at sights, the crimson red flame adn the white smoke dancing around each other with the beautiful tune of screaming Grimm accompanying them.

She grabs another one of those fruit and throw it at the horde of Grimm before it started to advanced.

BOOM!

The hordes has no time to evade as the fruit once again hit one of them and explode, the range and the sound is bigger than the first.

Her breath hitched, not in fear but in awe.

She has often saw dust explosion whenever Ruby asked unlce Qrow to show his technique, but only now does she realize how beautiful it is.

Every explosion is different, she just realize by now.

From the scale of the explosion, shape it creates and the booming voice accompnied by the beautiful screaming is always different, it never be the same.

Explosion is awesome.

"Sis..?" Ruby called out from behind her, it looked like the explosion awoken her little sister.

"Ruby, throw the Mr. Tree fruit at the monster!" She told her sister.

"But, these fruit was Mrs. Tree children..." Ruby looked.

Yang looked around her, another horde of Grimm are starting to form. She needed to convince Ruby fast..

"Mr. Tree said it was to protect us right?" She asked.

"Yes." Ruby looked up, as if in realization.

"Throw them!" She orders Ruby.

"Yes sis!" Ruby quickly throw the fruit into a the newly formed Grimm hordes.

BOOM!

The dying sound of Grimm was a music to their ears.

"Wahh..." Ruby stared in awe at the explosion.

Yang was glad her sister also understands what she saw. "Keep it up Ruby!"

"Okay Yang!" Ruby happily obliged.

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

They take turn throwing the fruit, gleeful smile plastered through their faces.

Yang may not found the answer she seeks, but she found something that is equally valuable.

BOOM!

Explosion. "Your turn Ruby!"

"Aye sis!" Ruby grin.

BOOM!

"Yip!" Another Grimm scattered.

"This is awesome sis!" Ruby grin as she watched the monster burns.

BOOM!

"I know right!" Yang met her grin with her own.

"Yang, this is the last one!" Ruby told her sister.

Yang looked around, "Ruby, this is the last horde, don't miss!"

"Okay sis!" Ruby makes a baseball throwing stances.

The Grimm ran straight at them.

Ruby throw the fruit.

The Grimm ran toward them and straight into the fruit.

A red blur run past them and straight toward the Grimm and past the red fruit.

"Uncle Qrow?" Ruby noticed who the red blur is.

"Watch out!" Yang screamed.

"Eh?"

BOOM!


	10. Chapter 10

**Bonus Chapter: Qrow Zero**

White, he could only see white, he doesn't even remember what happen but he know that it was bad, he felt someone holding his right hand in a very intimate way, he moved his head to see who was holding his hand and it shocked him.

"Tai..." He called out to his teammate.

"Yes Qrow?" Taiyang answer with worry in his voices.

"What happen?" He groaned it out.

"You don't remember?" Taiyang look confused. "Our child is about to be born."

"What." Qrow wandering mind instantly focused to his friend.

"Our child Remember? You suddenly collapse clutching your stomach and saying that he's going to get out, the nurse say your water is already broke." Taiyang explained. "Yang and Ruby is already excited to meet their little brother."

"Wow, wait a second Tai." Qrow try to get up only to be prevented by his bulging stomach. "We never even do anything to get me pregnant." Qrow stared in horror at his bulging and clearly pregnant body.

"Our child would be born soon." Taiyang smiled serenely while gripping his hand.

No...

No way.

Has he fallen for Tai honey trap too?

"Urgghh!" Qrow felt something coming out of his mouth, he moved his free hand and take swipe at it.

His eyes widen in panic as he looked at the red colored substance in his hand.

"Blood..?" He stared in horror as the painful tugging on his chest become even stronger.

"Urggghhh, arrrggggghhhhhhh! Nooooo!" He screamed in pain.

"Urgh! What?" A tiny arms coming straight out of his chest.

"Our child..." Qrow eyes snapped to Taiyang who has a proud tears on his faces.

No.

Just no.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

-0-

Airy, it sound like some girls is in trouble.

...

I just hope it's not Ruby.

-0-

His eyes snapped open as sweat drenched from his forehead.

"Uncle Qrow, are you alright?" His niece Yang asked him, looking worried.

Oh, thanks god it's just a dream, Qrow internally sigh in relief.

"What happen?" He asked his blonde haired niece.

"When you kill the Grimm it activated the burn dust under its feet." Yang explained.

Strange, how could a juvenile Grimm know how to use a dust crystal, even have it?

He looked at both of his nieces who smiled innocently.

"Both of you didn't hide anything did you?" He looked at them suspiciously.

"No, we didn't." They keep their smile.

"Alright, let's go home before anymore Grimm come again." Qrow get up and pick up both girls.

"Okay uncle Qrow!" They smile adorably.

"Oh, and we are going to have a long talk why both of you leave the house without telling anyone."

"Okay..." They both looked down.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 8**

I can't believe it, I really can't.

This is just impossible to believe without seeing it for yourself.

But this is real, and I am happy for it to be that way.

My child is alive! He survives the explosion caused by that masked woman!

If I have eyes I would be crying right now.

It happen when I was trying to communicated with Tim, I was bored and thought that maybe my own child could talk to me.

You know bonding between mo- father, yes I mean father, I never said mother, _I never said mother,_ right Airy? _Right?_

 _..._

No, I am not attracted to that man, _at all_ because the day I am attracted to the man who make me pregnant would be the day Sun Gokong willingly _become a law enforcement._

...

Okay, let's get back on topic, when I try to communicate with Tim I try to send him the image of what I see but I am the one who got the image instead.

The image shows 'my' image from specific angle and that made look around for the location.

And behold, I have found my own woods and saps there.

It looked like the explosion did not damage the seeds and only spread them around.

Now, what should I call you my child?

Airy, do you know what I should call him?

Alfred?

...

Yeah, not very creative.

What about John?

...

I am not very good at naming alright!?

Udin?

...

Yeah, Udin it is.

Now, my first child, your name would be Udin while your brother beside me is Tim.

...

You're mad I'm ignoring you huh.

...

Please, at least answer me?

...

Forgive your mot-father son.

...

Please?

!

A weird sensation strikes my body as my vision blurs.

Huh, where am I?

The surrounding feel familiar, but I am seeing them from different angle.

Wait...

Is that my body?

Holy shit it is big, I am a big tree.

Wait, I know I saw this before.

The image my child sends me!

Does that mean I am taking my children body?

This is awesome! I can at least move myself now!

Airy, this is amazing! Now if I can spread my seeds around the world I would be able to take over the world easily!

Right Airy?

...

Airy?

...

Are you there?

...

There are someone behind me isn't it?

Someone enter my vision.

Oh hi Ruby? Hehe, when did you come here?

"Ruby..." I heard the voice of Ruby sister. "I can hear him."

Oh crap.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: This is earliest draft of I Died And Got Reincarnated Into a Tree.**

* * *

What If Chapter: In Another Universe I Died And Reincarnated Into a Toilet Lock!?

You know the saying that there are thing worse than death? Even before I died I completely agreed with that.

After I die?

Well, my belief of that is becoming even stronger.

You don't know how hard it is to become a public toilet lock man, some people handle you roughly, some just doesn't care and some even try to vandalizing the place.

I'm just glad that the Crowbar did not left a mark on me.

And that is not even touching on what happen when the night come, people you and old, male and female gather here for you know what.

I really don't need to know how an old man spear could bend that way.

And sometimes I was drenched, literally with both male and female fluid.

And don't get me started with those fucking cosplayer with weapon that should have them get in trouble with the local law enforcement.

Or when they traded those colorful powder, is this public toilet or a black market? I accidentally smoke some of those powder.

Good stuff.

I live a fucking shitty live man, though as they say people adapt.. or in this case lock adapt.

CLACK!

Hmm? I saw a boy dropping with a mob on the floor.

What? Never see a sapient lock before boy? Racist.

"...You talk?" The boy pointed at me.

Of course I talked, there no one else here, which I realized just now.

Usually there are old people banging each other at this hours.

"Too much information." The blonde haired boy faces turned blue.

Hehe.. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

"What? Why are you laughing?" The boy looked scared.

*Five minutes later.*

"Ueeeggghhhhh..." The boy empty his bowel on the sink. "Blerrggghhhh..."

"I can't believe spine could bend that way-blergghh" The boy hasn't even finished emptying his bowels yet.

Believe me boy, it's one of the tames thing I see, and there is this one girl with her gigantic red scythe-

"No, stop! Just stop talking please!" They boy looked really desperate. "I'm just here to finish my part time job! Please let me do it in peace."

Sorry, but you are the only one who can hear me no one else ever did and I just become more talkative when I have someone who could hear my story, forgive this old lock rambling.

Why are you taking a part time job in this shady anyway, are your parent poor?

"Eh, no." The boy looked down. "I want to go to Beacon academy and I needed money to do that." The boy looked determined.

Heh, at your ages boy I would still lazing around in my room playing video games.

"At my ages? How old are you?" He asked me.

As a lock? Three years old. As a human? Nineteen year old.

"Huh, you just five year older than me..." A sudden look of realization appears on his face. "You are a human before!?"

Of course I am kid, what? Do you really think a lock could suddenly gained sapience?

"Well, yeah?" He looked sheepish.

Say kid, if you take me out of this goddamn shithole then I am pretty sure you will find my life experience useful.

"No."

What...

Why?

"You are a pretty suspicious lock." He simply said and goes back to cleaning.

I beg you, please let me out of this place, I am really begging you I want to get out of these literal shithole and saw the outside world once again!

I beg you, please...

I have nothing to offers you but my own very body, please help me...

"Okay." He answered looking a bit guilty.

That was fast.

...

You just want to see me beg did you?

"hehe.."

YOU BRAT!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 9**

Haha, I must be imagining your sister could hear my voice right, Ruby?

Ruby?

"No you did not." The one who answered my question is not Ruby.

"Oh hi, who are you again?" I asked her. "Also, can you move a little bit so I could see you?"

The girl moved into my line of sight, ah that is better.

"My name is Yang, I am Ruby sister." The blonde haired girl looked down.

Eh, hehe by the way, you didn't hear any of the things I said before right?

Ruby looked confused. "What thing?"

Oh, I dodged a bullet there.

"Wait, someone shot you?" Ruby eyes widened.

Yeah, someone tried to shot me and leave it at that, by the way why are two here?

"Well..."The blonde haired girl look down.

"None of your children survive."

WHAT!?

"I am sorry Mrs. Tree, we were attacked by Grimm and they died protecting us." Both girls look down as if in mourning.

Oh, they exploded didn't they?

"Yeah..." Both sister said dejectedly, though why do they have this strange glint in their eyes?

Well, you don't have to worry about that, they exploded because they are in their height of puberty.

"Puberty?" Both of them look confused.

You don't want to know kid.

"No we do, right sis?" Ruby looked at her sister.

"yeah, we do Mrs. Tree." Yang looked at me from above, I really should figure out on how to get back on my body soon.

Just asked your father, he can explain better than I do.

"Okay!" Yang Nodded.

"Thanks Mrs. Tree!" Ruby smile and ran off.

Wait a second...

Stop calling me Mrs.! I am a male!

Or am I?

I am a man right Airy?

...

What do you mean you don't know!?

...

Nevermind I should find a way get back to my own body soon.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 10**

Ahh... Home sweet home. Isn't that right Airy?

...

Glad you agree, I don't want to spend hours trying to go back to my real body again and after all my children need their privacy too.

...

You're still on about that? Of course I am a man, both in body and soul.

...

Okay, I am a man in soul happy?

...

No. Just no. Airy, can you stop trying to matchmaking me with that man?

...

No Airy, the day that would happen is the day a woman would have a turret inside her purse!

"Mr. Tree!" I heard Ruby voice as she ran toward me.

What is it Ruby?

"Well, I just let my sister explain." She looked toward her sister who walked toward us in a slow pace.

"Umm, Mr. Tree, do any of your children has reaches their puberty again.

...

So that is why you call me Mr. Huh.

"Hehe..." They both laugh sheepishly.

Sigh, here. I dropped twenty of my children.

Those are the only one who is mature enough to go boom.

Radiant smile appears on their faces. "Thanks you Mrs. Tree!"

The quickly gather my children and ran off.

It's Mr. You brat!

Kids these days forgetting on how to respect their elder just after getting what they want.

On the bright side now I have not one but two underlings that will spread my seeds around the world!

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Talking about seeds, I should check out the previous fruit that both Ruby and Yang spread.

But I really don't want to.

...

I know Airy, I know they are my children.

...

I just don't fancy the idea of getting stuck inside a small tree again.

...

Yeah, you're right, they are my children I shouldn't let my discomfort be a danger to them.

Okay, concentrate...

Concentrate...

Concentrate...

...

Oh, I did it!

I was in a completely different place.

This place is still in the middle of the forest but the positioning of the trees alone is different.

And there was an abandoned house that look like it come straight from cliched horror movie accross me.

And my other children are all here too.

"Tai, we need to talk."

Huh, there is someone here? I should act like a tree!

The blonde man then blonde man _who made me pregnant_ walk pass me beside him were a man in a red cape, I assume he was the one who talked before.

"You can't continue to be like this Tai." The man in red cape grab the blond man shoulder. "Ruby and Yang almost died and if you continued like this they may as well be." They both looked at each other in the eyes.

...

Shut up Airy. I am not jealous.

"Do you really think I don't know that?" The blonde man grab one of the black haired man arms.

...

Oh, shut up, I am not jealous Airy, _I am not._

SMACK!

Ouch, that must be painful.

SMACK!

Owh, right in the ball.

SMACK!

Ouch, low blow man.

Oh, oooooooooh, please don't come near me!

Oh god no, not again!

I saw the blonde man flying toward me after receiving the man in red punch.

No! No no no no no no no no no no!

NOT MY CHILDREN!

BOOM!


	15. Chapter 15

**Interlude: The Swine King**

The earth substances rises up as the presence of an immeasurable power seeping out of it, slowly but surely the presence dug itself out of its unbreakable prison.

It took him million or even billion years to escape his imprisonment at the core of the earth, he who was once known as the demon of greed's and the swine king was sealed by a wizard who's even though his power has yet to reach its full potential has succeed in sealing him.

He knew that he won't be able to fight the wizard in a straight fight, and he won't even try to do it at least not with his severely weakened body.

No, millions of years have left him with much free time to think up a plan to kill the wizard, first he needed to infiltrate the society which won't be easy with his pig body, but he still has his magic so it isn't impossible.

Then he made a hidden power, first he start to take over the underworld, then the distribution of foods and daily necessity and before they knew it he would stand on the top of the world, laughing as the wizard is defeated and the world bend to his will.

He did it!

He dug out of his earthly prison successfully; he could feel the air around his skin flowing through his tusk and to his thin fur.

He looked around to see if there were any threat around; it won't do to get killed by native wildlife just as he escaped his prison after all.

Nothing seemed to be around, strange.

Now, time to find society and started to plan his revenge against the wizard.

"Piggy no!" A voice comes from behind him.

He quickly turned around just to see a red fruit flying straight toward his face.

He sigh in relief, it's just children playing, the parent of these kids should really be reprimanded for leaving children alone on these forest, he's evil but even he has standard.

"Oink?" A weird sensation strikes him as the fruit touch the tips of his nose.

BOOM!

-0-

 **Kinda get myself stuck somewhere, so I just write this instead.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 11**

"Tai are you alright?"

You know, rather than asking your boyfriend if he is alright, you should askwhat happen to the innocent little sapling that he was about to crush me you dick! I glare at both of these irresponsible humans as the black haired one helped the blond haired one up, geez even I did not drag anyone down when I hung myself.

Seriously, think of the poor innocent plants around you when you have a lover spat! They both pat each other in the back and make up, oh yeah now I know the feeling of those people who preached about green earth or something.

Wait a second, how does I create explosions when I have none of my fruit around?

Hmm...

Wait. What is this red powder around me? Hmm...

Oh, ooooooh, I remember now, when that guy almost falls on me literally saw red.

Maybe I should emulate those emotions again?

Come on, come on, COME ON!

*Fart*

Oops.

"Tai, what is that?" Uh oh, they seemed to notice me but I can't seemed to see any of them in this red cloud fart, damn it.

Act like a tree.

"So this thing is what made me unconscious before huh." The black haired man muttered.

"Made you unconscious, what happened before Qrow?" The blond man looks at his friend.

Oh, the black haired one is named Qrow huh.

"It happen when Ruby and Yang was attacked by Grimm last night." Qrow adopt a thinking pose. "But why would they lie?"

Oh, god abort! Abort!

I was noticed! Abort!

BOOM!

-0-

Huh, everything is blurry, urgghh. I try to regain my bearing.

"Mr. Tree! We needed your help!"

Just as I regained my bearing I saw both Ruby and Yang ran straight toward,carrying what seemed to be alive but unconscious boar.

How? How do they carry a boar twice as big as them!?

"Mr. Tree! Help us this boar is wounded!" Ruby looked at me in panic.

Ruby, do I look like a veterinarian to you?

"*Sigh* Ruby, get me a first aid kit." The older sister sighs and orders her little sister.

*A minute later*

...

Yang, I think you are killing the boar.

I stared at the mummified boar.

"Nonsense Mr. Tree." Yang denied. "Look at how comfortable he is." She motion toward the boar.

The poor boar is now a mummy boar.

I just hope that thing did not become a demonic boar or something like that.

"Oh!" Ruby suddenly says. "Yang we're still has a chore to do!"

"You're right sis; let's go before dads and uncle Qrow come back!" Both of them ran off.

"See you later Mr. Tree, Mr. Piggy." Ruby waved us a goodbye.

"Oink!" The boar squealed.

Hmm, I feel like I forgetting something really important somehow.

Those children are adorable huh, Mr. Piggy?

"Yes they are." The boar answered my question.

...

Wait a second...

Did you just talk?

"No I don't." He answered.

Yeah, there no way a talking boar exists.

"Of course there is no way something as ridiculous as talking boar exist." The boar agreed with me.

I still feel like I was forgetting something though.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 12**

You know Mr. Boar, being a tree is really lonely, you were surrounded by most of your kind yet the only thing that you know is silence.

"Yeah." Mr. Boar agreed.

*Scribble*

Hmm? What is he writing?

*Scribble*

Hey, .

*Scribble*

!

"Hmm? Ah yes?" The boar attention turned to me.

What are you writing?

"My plan for world domination of course." He looked at me as if I was crazy.

Umm, you know that I may tell someone about your plan right?

The boar tapped his chin with his pen, (where the hell did he get the pen?) "Yeah." He simply said before continuing to write his plan for world domination.

Oh come on, I am going to tell the girls right now! Or at least when they come here.

"Oh?" He looked at me smirking. "And tell me why do you think telling two little girl that a boar is trying to conquers the world would change anything, hmm?" He adjusted his sun glassed.

Well... They could tell other people I gues-

Wait, where the hell do you get that sun glasses!?

He smirked. "And do you really think people would believe that two little girl story about a tree that telling them that a boar is trying to conquers the world is not a product of hyperactive children imagination?" He removed his sun glasses, revealing his grey boar eyes. "You know the moment they realize that something is going on everything would be too late right?"

Point.

"Now, can I go back to writing my plan for world domination?"

Wait!

"What." He sound irritated.

Let me join you! I am just going to ask you to give me half of the world!

"Let me think about it..." He taps his tusk with his pen. "How about no?"

Okay, okay what about forty percent?

"No."

Thirty?

"No."

Twenty?

"Eh... No."

Last offer, ten percent!

The boar sighs.

"You're in, what can you do?" Yes!

I could grow exploding fruit! My children have knocked you out before.

I told him what I can d- Eeucccchhhh!

What the hell is wrong with you!? I glare at him as he try to get his tusk out of my body.

"One of your _children_ is the one that made me become a mummy in the first place!" I could see steam coming out of his nose.

Sorry.

By the way, about our alliance can I have one more little thing?

If I have a hand I would have scratched my cheeks in embarrassment.

"What?" He said with no nonsense tone.

Can I have a sun glasses too?

"You need to learn to conceal your thought first and then I would let you in onto my plan and gave you the world conquerors sun glasses." He said before turning around and continuing to write the plan for world domination.

Can you at least tell me just a bit about your plan? The non-important bits maybe.

The boar sighs and stands up.

"Okay, you listen carefully." The boar completely removed his sun glasses. "From what I see within the last few days of my observation, the foods reproduction hasn't advanced much since I was sealed, by that damn wizard" He paused and look at me, probably observing if I was catching on his explanation.

"My plan is to create a recipe for a delicious but cheap foods and it also needed to be easy to make and do not required much production time." He paused to let me catch on. "First I get people addicted to it and once they are addicted to it, they would come to _me_ the one who made the foods stuff they eat, once I got them to be dependent on my stuff, victory is nothing but assured." He smirked evilly.

This guy is a monster.

"That I am." He admitted. "But, before creating the recipe, I need eleven of special spice that would become the secret recipe of my product!" He declared. "Mwhahahahahahahahahahaha!"

So, your plan is creating a brand of fast food or something?

The boar stopped his evil laugh. "Fast food huh, I like that, mwahahahahahaha!"


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 13**

 _Testing, testing. Mr. Boar, do you copy?_ I send my thought through telepathy to Mr. Boar, I'm in the middle of the training on concealing my thought.

"Yes, I hear you." The boar answered. "You definitely improved." He complimented me.

 _Aww, you made me blush._

"Yeah, you're really good. Now I can stop hearing on how hard you crushing on the father of those children is." He smirked. "Now gave me your fruit, one of each color." He ordered me.

 _I'm not crushing on that man! I'm not. You know what? Forget it._ I dropped one of my purple fruit and one of my red fruit.

He take the red one and lick it. "Huh, it's explosively spicy." The boar raised an eyebrow before scribbling again.

 _After you finish eating my children,can you spread their seeds?_ I asked the boar.

"Sure." He shrugged before taking the purple fruit and once again licking it.

"My body feels lighter." The said as he stand up and start to jump around. "Yep, my body is lighter alright. Do you have any fruit with different color than this one?" He asked me.

 _Nope I don't._ I said before pausing. _Well, there is the brown one, but I don't grow those anymore._ Yeah, the brown fruit only grow on me once.

And that woman made him explode.

My child...*Sob*

"Too bad, now I just need three more ingredients." The boar taps his chin.

"Qrow, I can't believe you really think there are talking tree in the back of our house." I heard a voice coming; it was the voice of _that man._

"Tai, trust me on this, when I say I see things in my mission for Ozpin, I see _things._ " Both of them stop in front of me.

"So this is the tree huh." Qrow inspect me. "Hello, anybody there?" He shouted at me.

"Qrow, this is ridiculous." Taiyang shake his head.

"Oink." Mr. Boar looks at me.

 _No, I don't know who are the black haired one is other than his name Qrow, while the blond haired man is the father of those two children and the one who make pregnant._ I explain to the boar.

"...Tai, did you hear what I am hearing?" Expression of fears appears on the black haired man face.

I froze, oh shit he heard me.

"Yes I do Qrow." The blond haired man answer.

"Tai, may I asked you why?" Qrow stared at his teammate as if he was staring at the devil himself.

"Why what?" The blond haired man look confused at the question.

"Why do made a tree pregnant!?" Qrow screamed.

"What." Taiyang was flabbergasted at Qrow sudden outburst.

"When you date my sister I say nothing, when you date summer I say nothing, but Tai impregnating the tree is where I draw the line." Qrow point accusingly at Taiyang.

"Wait a second Qrow!" Taiyang try to calm his teammates. "Do you really believe a tree that you just met now rather than me, your long time teammates?"

 _Say the guy who spread his hot white seeds all over me._ I chimed in, how dare this man trying to avoid responsibility?

"Tai..."

The blond man looks at me. "When does that even happen?" He said in disbelief.

 _You do it when I was just a small tree! How could you not remember that!?_ I screamed at him.

"Tai, I can't believe you sink that low, there is humping a tree and there is humping an _underaged_ tree." Qrow look at Taiyang with disappointment.

"Qrow, I swear I did not do it!" He denied.

 _Stop trying to dodge responsibility you ass!_

"*Sigh* both of you, look at me." Mr. Boar stands up and calls both man into attention.

"Tai, did you get this boar pregnant too?" Qrow word was dripping with sarcasm.

"Look at me you two!" The boar snapped.

Both man attentions were on the boar, Mr. Boar eyes glow red. "Repeat after me." The boar took a deep breath. "This is not the tree you are looking for." The boar said.

"This is not the tree we are looking for."

"This is not the tree we are looking for."

Both man said at the same time, their glazed as if they were not really there.

"Now, you will forget all events that happen here and any key event that made you come here in the first place." The boar as he snapped his hoof.

Both man eyes come back to normal.

"Tai, what are we doing here?" Qrow asked his teammates.

"I don't know Qrow, and I don't think I want to know."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 14**

 _So, Mr. Boar what is the plan?_ I asked the boar under my branch.

"I'm glad you asked Mr. Tree, the plan is involving those little girls." The boar answered.

 _Those little girls?_ I raised my nonexistent eyebrow, waiting for explanation.

"I want them to become my advisors." He looks at me a smirk.

 _But they're just children and I am pretty sure they are only five year old or six at best. Why do you even need advice from five year old girls?_ I asked, looking at him as if he was insane.

"Mr. Tree, Mr. Tree, Mr. Tree." He called out my name as if he was talking down to a child. "I want them to look at my plan and see if they could find any weakness in it." The boar explained. "After all, if a five years old girl could point out the flaw in my world conquering plan, there is no way to succeed." He smile an evil smile.

...

 _You are a genius Mr. Boar, I am sorry for ever doubting you._ I praise his superior intellect.

"Of course, when you were trapped in the earth for millions of years you bound to think up the reason why you failed after all." He nudged me with his hoof. "Sadly, In my haste to escape my prison I left my note on my prison." He looked down, as if mourning the note that he has lost.

Wait a second... _If you were imprisoned at the core of the earth, how the hell did your note did not get burned?_

The boar turned to me; his eyes look at me as if I was asking a really stupid question. "Magic duh." He answered with a deadpan expression.

 _Ohh..._ Oh yeah, I forget he has magic. _By the way, how much do you remember from your notebook?_ I asked.

"Enough." He answered.

 _Like?_

"Mostly the one I learned from my mistake, like; don't kill the messenger from your side because he's bringing a bad news that is not his fault." He told me. "Because of my tendency to kill messenger, my number sixty ninth messenger betrayed me and worked with wizard because he feared that I could just snap and kill him any day." Ouch, it look like he was a stereotypical evil overlord in the past.

 _Well, that is a sensible thing to do._ I agreed him. _Anymore notes that you remember?_

"There is no plan to conquer the world." The boar said.

 _What._ I stared at him.

"Don't let people know that the plan exists or told everyone your world conquering plan in such ridiculous sounding way that they just think of it as a joke." He finishes his explanation with a smile.

 _Yeah, let's tell everyone a sapient tree and a talking evil overlord boar is out to conquers the world! Well, it is sound ridiculous now that I said it._

The boar looks at me with an 'I told you' expression.

"Mr. Tree! Mr. Boar!" Ruby voice called out to us, I saw her and her sister approaching us.

"Ruby and Yang is it?" The boar greeted them in a gentlemanly manner. "Mr. Tree told me all about you, I thanks you for healing me." The boar smiles in fake gratitude.

"Haha..." Ruby blush in embarrassment. "Of course, I am happy to help!" She smile brilliantly.

"Yeah, you could count on us if you needed help!" Her blond haired sister added, she is pretty reliable, unlike her father it seemed.

"Thanks you, will you help me find the person who threw the bomb at me?" The boar asked the girls. "I really want to skewer the person who carelessly throw a bomb at this poor innocent boar." Mr. Boar smiled innocently at Ruby.

You magnificent bastard, resorting to guilt trip like that.

"Of... of course we will!" Ruby answered with a nervous smile. "Right sis?" Ruby turns to Yang and looks at her with desperation.

"Yeah, of course!" Yang said with innocent smile, unlike Ruby she seemed used to acting like a pure angel.

"Thanks." The boar smiled at them, I could hear him say 'just as planned' with that kind of smile. "By the way, do you want to play a game?" He asked them.

"Game?" Ruby tilted her head. "What kind of game?"

The boar smirked. "It's called: Be a good advisor and find the flaw in your boss plan!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 15**

'Mr. Boar _Why?_ Why did you have to do this?' I plead to the boar in front of me.

The boar lowers his head. "I have to." He looked at me with determination that no normal boar would have.

' _Why?_ Why do you have to leave me here Mr. Boar? Can you just take me with you?' I pleads to him, I don;t want to be alone anymore.

He look to the side, unable to face me. "It's for our plan Mr. Tree, you have to understand..."

'Oh, so I have to understand that you will be having fun with Ruby and Yang cooking fried chicken while I am here alone and _rooted_ in place, hmm?' I looked at him spitefully.

"Okay, look." He said, trying to placate me. "Remember when I promise you those sun glasses if you can stop broadcasting your thought? Here." He waved his hoof as my vision blackened.

'It's dark! Where are you Mr. Boar!?" I screamed as the sudden darkness envelope me.

"I'm still here." The evil boar answered.

'Why the hell I'm blind now!?' I shouted at him, I seriously can't see anything.

"You are wearing sun glasses duh." He deadpanned as if the answer is obvious. "Oh, well time to go." He left to go inside the house.

'Hey! Hey! Don't leave me!' I screamed at him.

The boar keep walking away as he glanced back at me in pity.

Wait... How do I know that he glanced at me?

...

Oh, yeah you're right Airy! The glasses only cover the small portion of my leaves.

Wait a second...

Where were you all this time Airy!? You have been missing for weeks!

...

Oh.

"Yo tree, how have you been?" I heard someone call me, but I can't see him because of sun glasses.

'I'm fine, thanks.' I answered the question. 'May I ask who you are; I can't see you right now because of the sun glasses.'

"Aww, you forgot already?" He teased me. "It's me the great Zwei!" The now revealed to be Zwei boasted.

'Wait a second, since when you were able to talk?' I say I looked at him in disbelief but the sun glasses is really hindering my vision right now.

"Since when you were able to conceal your thought?" He shoot back.

'Touche Mr. Dog, touche, by the way, what are those three doing insides?' I asked the dog.

"You mean the newcomer? They are cooking some good stuff there, those friend chicken really made me drool, I almost jump at the sight of those delicious spicy and crisp chicken." Damn it, now I am hungry. "Oh, they also made what human would call coffee I think." Zwei added.

'Zwei...' I call out to the dog.

"Yes tree?" He answered, I know I could see the smirk on his face if I wasn't wearing a blinding sun glasses.

'Can you bring me some of those fried chicken?' I asked for his help.

"But you're a tree?"

'So? Who say a tree can't eat fried chicken you racist dog!' I snapped at him.

"Wow, calm down bro, they are planning to bring you one anyway." He tries to calm me down. "But would you be fine with it? After all, one of the main ingredient is one of your children."

...

My children...

Oh god, why? Why do you always try to punish me like this!?

This is beyond a sadistic choice! My children or fried chicken?

Can I eat them?

...

I look at Zwei with determination, or at least I look at where I think Zwei is.

'Of course, I am sure my children would understand.' I smiled serenely.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 16**

I stared at the plate full of fried chicken just right in front of me; finally after a long time without eating anything, I could eat a fried chicken again! If I can drool I would have seeing the crispy treat in front of me, a piece of chicken covered in bright yellow crispy thing and some kind of blue icing on top of it, probably from Mr. Boar secret recipe.

'Come on Zwei, just bring it closer already!' I said to the small dog standing beside the plate.

...

Huh, he doesn't seem to hear me.

'Zwei, please bring it to me.' I told him again.

...

No answer.

'Zwei?' I call him again, fear strike my very root, I really hope he do not have a sudden heart attack right before he gave me _my_ fried chicken!

...

The silent are really unbearable.

"Five percent." He suddenly said.

'Five percent?" I looked at him in confusion, I'm really glad that I could see him when he moved just a little bit under the sun glasses that covering my vision.

"yes, five percent." Zwei smiled, those word made me feel like I was being watched by a very dangerous predator.

'Five percent of what exactly?' I asked the dog, I really hope he does not mean what I think he mean.

"Of the world duh." He answered as he bit into the plate and move it left and right.

'What do you mean by that exactly?' I said, trying to act as innocent as possible, am I sweating? I feel like the temperatures are somehow rising really fast.

"Stop acting like you don't know anything bro." Zwei smirked. "I heard everything and I want to join the fun." He moved the fried chicken up and down in front of me. "What about it? A very delicious fried chicken with ice dust icing on top of it?" The dog wiggles his non-existence eyebrow.

...

Fried chicken, or half of my territory?

...

'One percent for that fried chicken.' I told him; no way I traded half of my territory just for a small piece of fried chicken.

"Four percent." Zwei said.

'Two percent or no deal.' I shot back.

"Deal." Zwei smile. "Nice doing business with you bro." He put the chicken on the top of my roots.

'Thanks.' I told him.

"No problem, by the way do you have a name?" Zwei asked me.

'I do, in the past.' I answered him.

"In the past?" He looked at me questioningly "So, what is your name? Can you at least tell your business partner that?" He stared at me with no smirk or smile.

'Does it really matter?'

"No, I'm just curious about what you said." The dog shakes his head. "I'm sorry if it's bother you."

'No problem, the man I was before has reached the end of his own journey by taking a shortcut, a shortcut he should know only available for a coward.' I looked at Zwei who was listening carefully. 'His name is...'

"Mr. Tree!" I heard Ruby shouting my name from distance, I heard her footstep accompanying by the sound of hoof hitting the ground, it seemed the ground is strangely hard today for their footstep to be this loud.

"We finish cooking the foods and I want to show you the result." She stand under my leaves with that brilliant smile of her. "Here." She pour a bucket of fried chicken on top of my roots.

I looked at her with (Imaginary) tears in my leaves. 'Thank you Ruby...' *Sob* 'I never expect you guys to be so kind.' I looked at the amount of fried chicken she put on me.

"Eh, why are so surprised?" Ruby looked at me with confusion. "I thought I told Zwei to tell you before?" Ruby tilted her head.

...

I quickly glanced at where Zwei was standing before, there is nothing there right now.

I have already felt my sap pressure rising...

'ZWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!'


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 17**

No way... This can't be possible, I swear I do not think of this before, and no I'm not talking about getting tricked by a dog on giving him two percent of the world for a piece of fried chicken.

No, the thing is...

I have no mouth and I must eat fried chicken!

I stare at the stack of fried chicken near my roots, I want to eat them damn it1 I want to eat fried chicken! It's been a long time since I had one and I don't care if I needed to eat my children for that!

"Mr. Tree, why didn't you eat the chicken?" Ruby tilted her head.

'I would really like to...' I hesitantly answered. 'But I have no mouth Ruby.' I'm really holding back my tears when I said this.

"I guess you can't those huh, Ruby let's clean those up." Mr. Boar suddenly chimed in.

I stared at him long and hard. 'Mr. Boar, when did you get here?"

"I was here all along?" He looked at me confused. "I was just right behind Ruby." He explained.

...

He hides on my blind spot... Oh never mind that. "Mr. Boar can you please get rid of the sun glasses? This thing made me blind." I calmly told him.

"Okay." He simply said as he waved his tusk and the sun glasses on my leaves disappear.

'Thanks you.'

"Okay, Ruby let's clean this up." Mr. Boar signal to Ruby.

'Wait! Wait! Just left them here! I swear I find a way to eat them before they spoiled!' I begged him, it's my only chance to eat fried chicken and I won't let such a small thing as having no mouth hinders me from eating the crispy treat in front of me.

The boar shrugged. "Whatever made you happy Mr. Tree."

*Later that night*

Come on, eat damn it! I keep staring at the lump of fried chicken in front me while Mr. Boar was already asleep leaning on my back while muttering about 'wizard' and 'virgin'.

Come on! Some deus ex machina came to me already and made my roots into some kind of mobile eaters or something.

I keep staring at the lump of fried chicken just right on top of my roots.

*Later in the morning*

"*yawn*... Oh, Mr. Tree, you have finished eating all of them?" Mr. Boar asked the tree.

...

'My life has no meaning anymore...' Yeah, after that night I lost my will to live.

"What." The Boar stared at me dumbfoundedly. "What happen?"

'Those black beast...' The moment I mentioned them I feel my whole body has been burned with fury. 'those Grimm...' I gritted my imaginary teeth as those feeling of rage replace the emptiness within me. 'They stole all of my fried chicken!'

'Mr. Boar!' I called out to my world conquering companion.

"Yes?" He raised his eyebrow.

'I swear I will kill all those Grimm! I will kill them all! For the crime of stealing my fried chicken I would wiped them out of this world until there are no speck of dust left!' I look at him, waiting for him to promise to help me on my quest.

...

"You know I could just made you more of those fried chicken right?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 18: Mr. Boar Disguise**

Mr. Boar play with the white fruit in his hand as he admired his new and official overlord look, he look like an old man in his sixty, wearing a pair of white suit and pant with black ribbon ties, his face was that of kindly grandfather with short white beard and mustaches alongside equally white short hair.

After all, no one would suspect an old man in white as a boar overlord hellbent on conquering the world.

"So... How do I look Mr. Tree?" He asked his friend and comrade in conquering the world.

'You look smashing Mr. Boar.' His rooted friend sends his compliment through his telepathic ability.

"Are you sure?" He asked Mr. Tree as he looked in front of the mirror he created through his spell.

'I am. You look like a kind old man who can't even hurt a fly, Mr. Boar Sander.' Mr. Tree sends the image of him smirking, maybe he should gave his companion a mouth already but seeing him struggling to eat his foods was amusing.

He gleefully rubbed his imaginary hand, after all if this is the effect his fried chicken had on someone who did not even eat his foods yet he could only imagine what happen to someone who get addicted to it.

'Mr. Boar!' Mr. Tree scream snapped him out of his inner monologue.

"Yes Mr. Tree?"

'Aren't you going to go to now? If so then stop spacing out!' He shouted.

Oh yeah, he needed to look for a perfect place to start his conquest that also work as a base.

Oh, and minion, how could he forget about minion? First he would gain the trust of the oppressed minority and once he gained their trust he would made them work for him and he would work them to the bone.

He has incentive for them to listen after all.

First, he would promise his minion a place for them to live with their family, an area only filled with his minion family. It would be easier to keep an eye on them if they are secluded from the rest of population after all.

And once they gather together in the place he wanted then he could easily keep them in with the promise of three meals a day, making them keep eating that they won't have the time to think to even speak up against him.

Lastly when his empire grow big enough, he would promise them life free from sickness even if it was a lie and he will only heal them when they are sick by cutting two percent of the said sick minion payment.

He is indeed a truly evil creature!

"Yes, yes I'm evil mwahahahaha-"

'Mr. Boar!' Mr. Tree scream rang through his head.

"What?" He glares at his companion.

'Stop doing your monologue and go!' The tree shouted.


	24. Chapter 24

**Interlude: Emerald Sustrai**

Emerald Sustrai feel really out of place from where she was sitting right now, in front of her was big fire, fire that was enough to cook creatures alive and on top of the fire was an instrument of torture, it would be guaranteed that anything that would be put on top of it would be burned.

Sitting beside her was an old man who was looking into the fire deeply, this old man invited her here after she was trying to pickpocket him and failed, she just hope this old man did not mean anything bad to he-

"Burn!" She yelped as the Old man suddenly shouted out of nowhere. "Yes! How does it feel to be burned from your bone! Your flesh and your skin!" The old man laughs sinisterly. "How does feel for every nerve in your body to be burned simultaneously, to be melted into a shape that no one recognize!"

She back away a little, this old man may not be right in the head at all. She observed as the old man took his fork and violently into the meat on the grill.

"Umm..." She called out to the old man.

The old man head made a sharp turn as he face her, and he smile kindly. She felt that the kind smile of the old man would be the death of her, nonetheless she gather her courage and say:

"Umm, people are looking." She told the old man, and it was true all of the customers in the restaurant are looking at him.

"*Cough*" The old man cough seemingly in embarrassment if the red tint on his cheeks is anything to go by. "Sorry, I just have a bad experience with these vicious beasts." He coughs again in embarrassment.

"Vicious beast?" Emerald tilted her head. "These are just chicken."

"True." The old man agreed. "These chicken just look like a beast from my homeland called cuckoos and they bring me grief to no end so, seeing these chicken get burned always give me glees." The old man explained.

"Okay..." She tilted her head, she certainly not buying that.

-0-

"And this is your new home!" The old man spread his arms as if revealing something really grand.

...

"...There is nothing here?" She looked around, sure there is a house but that is the exact opposite of where the old man was pointing at.

'Mr. Boar, are you really going to let a little girl sleep on the wild?' A voice entered her ear- no the voice come directly into her mind.

The old man was silent before putting on a sunglasses. _Wait, where did he get that?_ "How low do you think of me, Mr. Tree?" The old man turned to face a tree? A tree with very colorful fruits hanging off its branch.

 _Oh great, I really followed an insane old man who talk to trees._

"Behold my magical power!" The old man raised his arms and dark wind surrounding him, as if forming a protective barriers, she shield her eyes from the strong wind.

Slowly but surely the wind dissipates, revealing a _boar?_

"Okay... Stop. Just wait a second." She said. "Where is the old man?" She asked to no one.

The boar turned to her, _great now I get a wild boar ready to charge at me._

"I'm here." The boar told her.

"Wait, you're really the old man?" She looked at the boar indeuriously.

"Of course?" The boar answered her question with another question.

"So..." She drawled. "All those flashy wind and shadow just for you to transform into boar?" She asked.

"And to made the house behind you." The boar point to her behind with his hoofs.

She looked back to see a big red house with a sign board with BFC written on it.

"Oh... Okay."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 19**

It was truly a happy day for me, not only Mr. Boar has commenced his world domination plan I also have another children this time my child is colored white, that man essence must be so strong that he keep impregnating me...

Anyway, Mr. Boar took my child with him when he scouted a place for his lair I mean business place. Though I really don't why he decided to adopt a girl of all thing, heh must be from one of his list about distracting a hero with pure and innocent children or something, though from what I see there is nothing pure about that girl, I even think she has even more spite for the living than I have.

Okay... Now is not the time for thinking about some little girl, time to check on my children! I concentrated, I concentrated really, really hard.

...

The scenery change, I was no longer surrounded by two house and a forest, around me was building, building everywhere, it look like I was in some big city rather than a forest, but how? Anyway, even though there are many building around me, there is no soul to be seen.

Am I in some kind of back alley? I guess so, I was surrounded by tall building but there is big front entrance or anything like that.

"Yoohoo!" An excited voice rang through the alley, accompanied by the sound of roller skates ridden by a boy with blue hair who also wears an orange goggle, he stopped right in front of me.

I really have a bad feeling about this, like really bad.

My fears come true as the boy unzip his pant and readied his water canon at me.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I need to get out of here fast! There is being marked by a dog and there is being marked by a human.

Abort! Abort! ABORT! I keep thinking those things as the air around me becoming cold and then with a resounding crack my consciousness fades.

...

Hah, hah, Hah... I survived? I looked around me and I seemed to be back home.

My child... I swear I will save you someday, but for now you need to bid your time until the world is ours! We will destroy those who dares to peed on us and then we will destroy those beast who stole my friend chicken! I swear I would do all of those or my name isn't...

Wait, what is my name again?

"Mr. Tree..." A voice called out to me, stopping my inner monologue.

The green haired girl Mr. Boar picked up from the city was standing in front of me with doubt on her face.

'yes?' I answered her call.

Her face seemed to brighten a little bit at my answered, heh my beautiful voice is pretty good at making everyone happy it seems.

"You're really can talk!" She shouted.

'Of course I can talk girl, what do you think I am? A chopped log?' I sneer at her.

"Uh oh, Sorry, I thought I was just dreaming." She said looking down a bit.

'You offends me girl.' I keep my sneers at her. 'I won't accept to be just a part of a little girl dream." I told her.

"Hey, that insult was unnecessary!" She frowns at my insult.

'But that is the truth, because you are a part of my dream!' I boasted.

"Oh..." She rolled her eyes. "You thought you were the one who is dreaming but can you prove it that it was not I who was dreaming about a talking tree?" She smirked at me.

'Do you have a proof that I was part of your dream?' I shot back. 'And who said that I did not dream you to come here and questioned yourself if you are dreaming or not?' I smirked cockily.

"..." She has no respond.

"See?" I send the image of my victory into her mind.

"Hmm!" She crossed her arms before turning around leaves.

'I'm the best! I'm the best! I'm the best!' I gloated at her.

She stopped on her track and looks back at me a small tears on her eyes before running away back into BFC.

I keep gloating about my victory against a seven years old girl.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 20**

Where is Ruby? Where is Yang? Where is Mr. Boar? Where is Zwei? Where is the crow guy? Where is _that man?_ Where are they Airy? Where is everyone? Why am I alone?

This forest was quiet, the house Mr. Boar just was standing just right behind me but there is no one there, no light, no sound, it was as if they were just disappears.

It was also the same as the small house that is Ruby and Yang house in front of me, there is no light, there is no sound, there is nothing.

Even the Grimm disappears; they usually swarm around here every night. But why? Why do they disappear?

Airy, answer me! Please Airy, I know you there! Answer me damn it!

Where is everyone?

There is only me and my childre-

No…

No way…

Even my children is missing.

Where are you my child? Why would you leave your mother behind?

I heard footstep.

It was a really terrifying footstep, it somehow sounded like a church bell.

And then I saw a man, no… not a man.

I don't think it was even a human.

The thing was clad in all black, its face hidden with the shadow from his black hoods, and in its hand was an axe, I could see the glint from here.

It comes right at me, it still gripping the axe on its hand tightly.

He stood in front of me I know what he was going to do.

He raised his axe and swings it right at me.

I screamed as the blade meet with my log and making a clocking sound, my sap was starting to come out of my body.

Once again, he swings the axe and once again I screamed my sap was bursting out of my body, bathing the executioner with red hot sap.

I feel like my vision is fading, maybe from the loss of my sap.

The executioner raised his axe for the last time and I lost my consciousness.

-0-

I awaken to the sound of loud machine, It took me a while to realize but I am no longer a tree.

And to be honest, I don't even know what I am anymore.

Because they haven't finished reshaping my body with those tools.

Those black clad executioner, working and carving other tree as unfortunate as I am into weird things, and yes I mean weird things.

Who would made a wooden kitchen sing anyway?

It took a while, but they cut me up, reshaped my body into what I am sure is a monstrosity and then polished me.

After they finished, I lost my consciousness once again.

And this time, I had woken up into a luxurious room.

This room was covered golden ceramic plate all around, from the floor to the ceiling with intricate ornament carved all around.

Maybe it won't be that bad here?

Just as I think that the door in front of me opened up with a creaking sound.

it was _him._ Yang father and the one who impregnated me.

He removed his pant for some reason… No. I'm not ogling him.

…

Don't tell me…

Those guys carved me into a toilet seat!

Just as I come to that horrible realization an ass was about to land into my faces.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-0-

Ha ha ha ha ha…

"So, how does it taste?" I voice asked me.

'Mr. Boar?' I looked at the boar in front of me, he was holding what seemed to be a burned friend chicken. 'What happen?' I asked him.

"You were trying my new type fried chicken remember?" He looks at me questioningly. "So, how does it taste?"

'Horrible, really horrible.' I told him.

"Figure." He put his hoofs on his chin. "I guess using those black beast as friend chicken ingredient is not such a good idea after all."

'You feed me what!?' I screeched.


End file.
